


Fly 2

by sharedwithyou



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Aftermath of Torture, Angst and Humor, Angstangstangst, Crowley is a Little Shit, Dark, Dark Humor, Dark reader, F/M, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Mindfuck, Past Torture, Protective Castiel, Psychological Torture, Reader-Insert, Stockholm Syndrome, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 18:33:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7812628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not a sequel to Fly, but incredibly related in other ways</p><p>WARNING: Triggers (psychological, violence, the whole 9 yards)</p><p>“So was she ever normal?”<br/>“Normal has a pretty lucid definition.”<br/>“I think Dean means, was she ever sane.” Sam offered engagingly.<br/>“Yeah. Was she ever not cuckoo.”</p><p>“Do you think she’ll ever get better?” Sam looked closely at Castiel, who was probably more invested than he should’ve been.<br/>“It’s hard to know.</p><p>But even if she does, I fear she will never be completely free of him.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fly 2

**Author's Note:**

> BOOHOOHOOO
> 
> WARNING: This is very dark. and angsty. Dark Reader, Psychological Torture, everything but sexual torture because i never do that. i guess everyone has lines. hmm, anyway, read at your own discretion
> 
> Crowley is very evil in this. I probably should've made lucifer the main antagonist, but oh well. now we get to call sammy moose.
> 
> anyway, leave me a comment below!!!
> 
> XOXO Bucky the Angstmaster
> 
> ~~~~~ indicates flashbacks (i normally don't use these but this fic is a little convoluted)

 

“If you’re an angel, you must be able to fly.”

“I used to, yes.”

“I mean, really flying. Flapping wings and everything.”

“As opposed to…teleporting?”

“If that’s what you call it. I call it blinking. Demons do it all the time too. They’re in front of you one second, and behind you the next. In the blink of an eye.”

“It takes a sufficient amount of power to…blink.”

“Is that why you always use the door?”

“I’m not as strong as I used to be.”

 

“You look pretty strong to me.”

 

He gave you a sad smile as you shaded in a baby chick with an orange crayon.

“I see my friends brought you a new book.”

“The tall one. Moose.”

“Sam.” He corrected with a small clear of his throat.

“Right, Sam.” You put the coloring supplies away to sit up and give Castiel your full attention. You loved talking to people, and being in this little room didn’t allow for much conversation. “He’s nicer, that one.”

“They’re both good people, once you get to know them.”

“Moose’s brother is not nice. He tries to be funny, but he’s not.”

Cas hid a grin. “Dean’s a little different. But I trust him as much as his brother. You’re safe here.”

You cocked your head at him. “Safe from what?”

 

“Not what. Who.”

 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Wheee!!! Do it again!”

Crowley smirked as you hung from a meat hook, using the ropes between your wrists as a mini-swing.

“I think that’s enough, darling.”

“One more time,” you whined, pushing his buttons. Still, he pushed your legs so you could do a 360 spin.

“Yay!!”

“Alright. Get down from there now.”

You furrowed your brow at him, wiggling your legs in the air to show him you weren’t exactly free to move around.

“Ah. Right.” He snapped, and the wrist bindings snapped, sending you onto the floor with a bang.

“Owwie.”

“How did you get up there anyway?” With your hands and feet tied together, you weren’t exactly the most flexible.

“Well…I jumped.”

He let out a cackle, imagining you hopping up and down desperately until you finally managed to grab the hook between your arms. “You’re a treasure.”

“Thank you, Your Highness.” You made a pretty curtsy, and he smirked once more.

“Now, let’s get you fed.”

“Okay.” You tripped along behind him with little steps, until he felt inclined to free your ankles as well.

“Bye guys!”

 

You turned and waved to the other bodies hanging from hooks as well, swinging in the wind.

 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“So was she ever normal?”

“Normal has a pretty lucid definition.”

“I think Dean means, was she ever sane.” Sam offered engagingly.

“Yeah. Was she ever not cuckoo.”

“At some point, I believe.”

Dean inhaled deeply at the thought, handing Cas a bag of colored pencils. “She can handle those, right? Most mental patients aren’t allowed to have anything sharp.”

“She’s not a mental patient.”

“Yeah, they don’t have any walls padded enough for that psycho.”

“Dean, don’t be a dick.” Sam nudged his brother.

“What?! She killed hundreds of people!!”

“Under Crowley’s orders, yes.”

“But not under his mind control.”

“There are ways to control people beyond possession.” Cas spoke gravely.

“Yeah, well, she gives me the creeps. You give her those for me.” Dean instructed.

“That would be best. She does not like you.”

Dean choked on his beer while Sam laughed. “I don’t think I want to know what she thinks of me.”

“She prefers you; although she will not stop calling you moose.”

The two sobered up, so to speak. “He got his claws deep in her, huh.”

“Do you think she’ll ever get better?” Sam looked closely at Castiel, who was probably more invested than he should’ve been.

“It’s hard to know.

 

But even if she does, I fear she will never be completely free of him.”

 

 

“It certainly took me long enough to find you, (y/n).”

You continued looking down at your giraffe drawing and said nothing.

“No hello? How soon they forget.”

You scratched your ear absentmindedly with a green crayon, almost as if he wasn’t there.

“Come now, darling. Daddy’s been working hard looking for you. How about a little love?”

You shook your head furiously, the first reaction you’d given him so far. He raised an eyebrow, but decided to take it as a positive.

“Remember all the fun we had? You can’t have thrown all of it away already, now.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, images of heads rolling down the halls towards headless bodies like bowling pins, filling your mind.

“That’s it. Now, give Daddy some sugar.”

You heard the screams of so many souls tortured, mixed with a high giggling laugh that couldn’t possibly be yours.

And if it was, who were the ones screaming?

Or was it your own screams you were laughing at?

Your eyes snapped open when he traced your temple and leaned in for a kiss.

 

“No!”

 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You’ve really got to stop sneaking up on people like that, Cas.”

“My apologies.”

Your fake disapproving look evaporated in a smile at his chagrinned face.

“Don’t worry, hon.”

He shrugged off your petname, preferring to stay serious. “We have a problem.”

“Name it and it shall be done.”

“Dealt with, you mean.”

“Potato, fries.”

He furrowed his brows at you. “I have not yet learned that idiom.”

“Eh I might be using it wrong.” You poured yourself a glass of juice and offered him a cup. He shook his head, business as usual.

“There’s a group of demons gathering for a ritual tonight. 10 PM.”

“Great. I’ll get my stuff.”

“These aren’t just low-level demons.”

“Are you saying I should bring back-up?”

He thought for a moment before shaking his head. “You should be able to handle them. And I’ll be around if you need me.”

“Need or want?” You gave him a wink, and you could swear he almost smiled.

“I don’t suppose it matters. I go where I’m called.”

“I’ll hold you to that, then.”

He nodded briskly, before reaching for his phone that started buzzing.

“Wait!” You knew if it was the Winchesters he’d be gone in an instant. “One more thing.”

“What is it?” His look of concern warmed your heart.

“How about a hug?” You held out your arms with an easy smile, hiding the anxious beating of your heart. Which he could probably hear anyway.

“I… don’t really like those.”

“Oh.” You nodded briskly like he’d done so many times, stuffing your disappointment in the back of your mind for now. “Just a custom, here, I guess.”

“Perhaps I should grow accustomed to it, then.” He held his arms up, almost defensively, preparing his stance to receive an embrace. You almost laughed, almost aww-ed, and almost felt your heart break a little.

It was his duty, not his wish.

Still, a girl can dream.

You walked up to him, but waved your hand to let him know he was off the hook hug-wise. He visibly relaxed, looking almost grateful.

“So I’ll see you tonight, then.” Need or want, you’d definitely call.

“I will be prepared.”

You smiled, almost sadly, as you felt yourself rise to your tippy toes to give him a kiss on the cheek.

 

“Til tonight, Cas.”

As he faded away, you could’ve sworn you saw a tiny grin as he touched his face.

 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“No touchy!!”

“Alright. No hands.” He held them up and backed away slowly to show you he was serious. About being a gentleman.

You stopped hyperventilating and picked up a crayon with shaky fingers.

“Boy, they must’ve done a number on you.”

He conjured up a chair and sat down, watching you carefully.

You felt more like a rare jewel being appraised than an insect under a microscope and grinned shyly at the thought.

“That’s my girl.” Crowley reached forward to stroke your hair, before remembering you’d shrink away. “I wonder what lies they’ve fed you about me.”

“They’re not lies. They’re good people.” You contradicted.

“Would good people lock you away in a closet?”

You twiddled your thumbs, thinking for a minute, before coming up with a brilliant response. “You kept me locked up too.”

“You had an entire realm, (y/n). Not half a room.” He was unusually patient. It made you both nervous and pleased.

“I’m safe here.”

 

“I would’ve done anything to keep you safe, darling.”

 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Uhm, Cas, need a little help here.”

You dodged a claw and shanked the bastard in the side, watching the smoke curl away with satisfaction. Only four more to go. I think.

“Die!!” Another one howled and ran at you, and you twisted the blade out of the last demon to carve into the next one.

“Ow! Motherfucker!” You clutched your side where one of the little shits had popped out of the bushes and swiped you. One hand to apply pressure, the other to continue stabbing. This was getting a little annoying.

“Cas! Any time would be great! Especially now!” You dodged one blow and elbowed the demon hard enough to knock him over, before swinging wildly at another two. Perfect technique wasn’t exactly at the forefront of your mind when you were seriously outnumbered. Your dad would be disappointed; but he’s the one who had died while you’re still kicking, so there was that.

 

“Impressive.”

 

You turned around with trepidation, slashing two necks in the process, at the thick Irish accent.

“Crowley.”

“I had heard you were a good hunter. But it’s best to see for oneself.” He waved dismissively at the pack, which backed away slowly. One lone demon growled grudgingly, but whined and fled when the King gave him a mere glance.

You were fucked.

“Cas? Now would be really helpful.” You called, trying valiantly to keep your voice from shaking.

“I’m afraid your little Angel Crush is indisposed at the moment.”

You clutched your blade and stared at him. “What have you done.”

“Oh, your beau is fine. It’s the Winchesters who are in quite a mess. And you know where his priorities are.”

“You son of a bitch-“

“Now, now, there’s no need for name-calling. Though I can’t say I disagree about my mother.” In a flash he was behind you, twisting your wrist almost enough to break it. Your fingers twitched, hard, before the dagger clattered out. “And I wouldn’t go for the holy water if I were you. I would hate to have to cast some nasty spell when this can all be solved amicably.”

 

“I don’t make deals with demons.”

 

You kicked him in the balls, whirling around with your left hand, and shot him dead in the heart. His eyes rolled back and he dropped to his knees, as you backed away and sprinted towards the road, screaming Cas’s name in between breaths.

 

“Not bad. Nice to see a little sass; but that’s gonna cost you.”

 

Lucky the Leprechaun popped up in front of you, and grabbed you by the hair as you crashed into his chest.

“Do your worst, you piece of shit.” You spat at his face, which he dodged gracefully.

“Oh, I will.”

“You’ll never get what you want out of me. You can’t break me.”

“Well, we’ll see about the former, anyway. But I can promise you you’re wrong about the latter.”

“Let me guess; you’re not gonna kill me, but when you’re done with me, I’ll wish I was dead.” You bit out the words bitterly.

“It takes the fun out of it when you say it first,” he criticized, yanking you to your feet by your roots. “You know, that mouth’s gonna get you in trouble where we’re going.”

“Go to hell.”

“Don’t worry, we are.” He smiled widely, before pulling out your dagger and forcing your mouth open.

“I’d make a cat got your tongue joke, but you seem to have heard it all. So I’ll have to do this without a witty remark.”

You tried to hold in your scream as he slowly and deliberately sliced away.

If he really wanted to silence you he’d have gone for the vocal chords; but he probably wanted to hear your cries.

“Don’t worry, darling, you’ll get it back soon enough. I’m not a monster. Just taking care of business. Not going to make you eat it or something barbaric like that.”

You blinked hard, the searing pain threatening to make your eyes spill.

“Don’t cry, love. It’s not pretty at all.”

He let go of your hair and put an arm under you as you lost all control of your limbs and slumped over like a rag doll. “That’s better.”

As he dragged you down, he chuckled to himself.

 

“Let’s hear you call for your Castiel now.”

 

 

“That was fast. You take her back to her hotel or what?”

“She’s gone.”

Dean sat up, surprised and worried. “What do you mean, gone?!”

“I mean, I can’t sense her.”

“She must be cloaked or something-“

“No. The demons she was fighting don’t have nearly enough power to do so.”

“So go look for her!” Sam helped his brother up from the pool of blood that was now receding.

“I have. Everywhere.”

“Did she leave anything behind at the scene?!”

“…in a way.”

“Well, what was it?!”

“…her tongue.”

Dean, having a still-recovering system or possibly having a weak stomach to begin with, promptly threw up. Sam jumped back, avoiding getting splattered with puke, and asked the follow-up question.

“Who would’ve done something so…horrible?!”

“We fight demons, Sam.”

“You’re the one who lost his lunch, Dean.”

 

“This is my fault.”

 

Sam and Dean turned to watch Cas trudge away, staring at the skyline.

“Cas…”

“I promised her I’d be there. And I failed.”

“We’ll find her, Cas.”

“I doubt that.”

“Come on-“

“I believe Crowley took her.”

Sam’s eyes bugged out, while Dean raked the hair out of his eyes and rubbed his forehead.

“Okay, I changed my mind. It is your fault.”

“Dean!!”

“He let Crowley take her?!”

“You were dying on the floor a second ago, Dean. I’d be a little more grateful.”

“Forget me; that’s Cas’s girl we’re talking about.”

Sam looked back at Castiel, who was staring at his feet, fists balled up by his sides.

“Is that true, Cas?”

“That I chose Dean over her? Yes.”

“No. That she…meant something more to you. That she’s your girl.”

He let out a shaky sigh.

 

“I’m afraid she’s Crowley’s girl now.”

 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Remember, darling? Remember how he abandoned you?”

You looked up at him curiously. “You kidnapped me.”

“But I never left you. I took good care of you, didn’t I?”

You scooted slightly closer to him, watching as a sly smile crossed his face. “You were mean. You cut off my tongue.”

“At the beginning, love. To teach you. Sometimes you have to punish the ones you care about. So they learn.”

“They don’t punish me.” You noted.

“Yes (y/n). Because they don’t love you like I do.”

You looked up at him with hooded eyes now, suspicious once more. “You love me…?”

 

“Why else would I have worked so hard to find you?”

 

You sighed softly to yourself. “You’ll never say it, Crowley.”

He narrowed his eyes at your use of his first name, but didn’t quite go there. “Say what?”

“I love you.”

“I know you do.” He patted his knees, but you hung back.

“You’ll never say it back.”

“Daddy doesn’t have to say it to mean it, does he.”

You shrugged, and he beckoned you once more. And as if your feet were enchanted, you stood up and walked over, plopping onto his lap.

“I missed you, (y/n).” He whispered in your ear. You thought of the snake and Eve, a picture from the bible coloring book Castiel bought for you.

“Did you miss me, darling?”

You inhaled deeply, taking in the familiar scent of smoke, sulfur, and a tinge of blood. Instead of answering, you held up your wrist.

“What’s this?”

“A present.”

“How thoughtful.” He patted his pockets thoughtfully. “Alas, I don’t have a syringe with me.”

“Mmm, next time.”

“So there will be a next time, then?” He pet your hair softly, and you rested your head against his chest like you’d done so many times before.

 

“I’ll get you out of here, love. Just give me some time.”

 

You swung your legs, feeling your eyes getting heavy.

“Want to hear something funny?”

“I’m all ears.” He settled into the chair, taking your weight with him.

“You said Cas abandoned me.”

“Pure fact, not a joke.”

“Well, in the end, he came back for me. Finally.”

Crowley sniffed and cocked his head at you. “And how, exactly, is that funny?”

“Well, it’s the same thing you’ve done now, innit?”

He didn’t exactly push you off, but stood up so briskly that you tumbled onto the ground.

“That damned angel is coming back. I have to go now.”

“Okay.” You brushed yourself off and returned to your crayons.

“I’ll be back soon.”

He waited for a reply, but you seemed engrossed in giving the giraffe purple spots.

Still, he waited a few seconds, and you spoke again.

“Remember when you said you could make me a demon?”

He smiled at the thought. “I do. I can still make you one, if that is your desire.”

You made a pondering face, quiet for another few moments.

 

“I think I’m going to ask Cas to make me an angel.”

 

 

“Hi Moose. Cas.”

Sam smiled at you, holding out the colored pencils as a peace offering.

Castiel, on the other hand, stayed back, gazing at you conflicted.

You got the message. “Sorry. Sam.”

“Moose is fine.” The nice brother assured you with a gentle pat on the shoulder. You beamed at him in response, and he fidgeted slightly. “I was just stopping in to say hello. I’ll let you two chat.”

“Bye Moose!” You waved and he gave you a nod, before ambling out. Maybe you would name your giraffe Sam.

“(Y/n)…”

“I know, I forgot. But he said it was okay!!”

He stood at a distance, still, looking troubled. Maybe he’d had a bad day?

“You called me Cas.”

“It is a shortened form of the name, no?” You stopped rooting through the colored pencils to give him a worried look. “You don’t like it?”

“It’s not that…”

“Oh good. I think it’s a nice nickname. It suits you.” You went back to sorting your new treasures.

 

“It’s just… it’s what you used to call me.”

 

You looked up, thrown by the crack in his voice. “Did it used to bother you?”

Just like that, he’d lost you. He felt a heart-wrenching loss at the woman-child before him, with a glimmer of hope from the memory that had surfaced somehow. He’d made sure Dean and Sam never called him that in your presence. In case… in case it hurt you; or in case you remembered on your own.

 

 

“No, (y/n). I…loved it.”

 

 

You smiled shyly at him now, seeing a soft side to the grave Angel. You’d forge ahead with your curiosity now, bravely.

“Can I ask you something, Cas?”

“Go ahead. Though I may not be able to answer to your satisfaction.”

He was so formal; it was almost…cute.

“Can I be an angel too?”

His eyes widened, and you looked away, not sure which social norm you’d crossed.

He wavered, before pulling over a chair to where Crowley had conjured one, and sat down heavily.

“Why do you ask?”

“Uh oh.” You frowned, disappointed in yourself. “Curiosity killed the cat. And that’s the cat that got my tongue.” You ran your tongue against your teeth, feeling for the scar that first cut had made.

Castiel tensed, before reaching forward for your arm. Unlike with the King, you didn’t shy away.

“If there’s a scar, I can heal it.”

“That’s okay,” you assured him. “It’s a reminder; punishments are just ways the people who love you, teach you.”

He frowned deeply. “That doesn’t sound like you, (y/n).”

“It’s not, technically. It’s what Daddy used to say.”

He stood up quickly, knocking over the chair in the process. He walked around, sniffing like a hellhound, and ran his eyes all over the room.

“He’s been here, hasn’t he?!”

“Hmm?” You were back to coloring Sam.

“Crowley.” He squatted down and put his hand under your chin, lifting your face so he could look you in the eye. “Focus, (y/n). What did he tell you?”

“He just likes to talk,” you answered off-handedly.

“But this is the first time he contacted you, right?” His voice got louder, for some reason.

“Yup. He said it was real hard to find me.”

“Good.” He stood up and began shuffling things around, pacing back and forth. “We have to move you. Somewhere more secure.”

“But I like it here,” you whined. Despite His Highness’s assertions, the ‘closet’ was comfortable.

“It’s for your own good, (y/n).” He spoke authoritatively. “We need to keep you safe.”

 

 

“Like you kept me safe from Crowley?”

 

 

He stared at you now, as you dropped your momentarily combative stance and picked up some colored pencils.

“You…remember.”

“Well of course.”

“I mean to say… you feel.”

“Everyone feels.”

“But you less than others… you feel anger towards me?” Somehow he was scared and relieved at once.

You twirled a couple of blues between your fingers. “I’m not sure.”

 

“Be sure, (y/n). Even if you hate me. Please, just… feel again. I want you to be alright.”

 

“I don’t think hating someone would make them alright.”

“You’ve been lost to us for so long (y/n)… any feelings are good feelings.”

“I’m not sure I like them.” You answered hollowly.

“It doesn’t matter! Please hold on to them anyway.” He dropped onto the floor in front of you with desperation. “Please don’t let go.”

 

 

“But it’s so easy when nothing matters.”

 

 

He sighed deeply, crossing his legs so he could sit beside you more comfortably.

“Just talk to me, (y/n). Whether it feels good or not.”

“Well…”

“I need it.”

“Need or want?” A broken smile crossed his face, as he remembered what you had never forgotten.

“If you’ve always had your memories (y/n)… why didn’t you bring it up sooner? You’ve only given us bits and pieces.”

“It was never a big deal to me. The past is like…a book.”

“One of your coloring books?”

“Not exactly. When I finish a coloring book, I might go back and look at my old drawings. A real book? I just throw them away.”

He massaged his face slowly, taking it all in. The weight of your memories coupled with your ambivalence towards them…it was so heavy. He didn’t know how you carried it with you.

“See? It’s tiring. Better when it doesn’t matter.”

 

“But it has to, (y/n). Because life… you? You matter.”

 

 

You blushed and hid your face. “You sound like him now.”

He stopped short. “How?!”

“You’re both being sweet. Like you want me to stay. But only with one of you and not the other.”

“Crowley is a monster! Don’t you remember what he did to you?!”

 

For the second time today, you squeezed your eyes shut to see a blur of horror. Skin peeling, bones broken, your wounds healing so they could be burst open once more.

His laugh, echoing against your screams. You knew they were yours this time.

Because you were calling his name.

Calling for your angel to save you.

 

 

“You became…this. To save yourself from the disgusting things you had to see. To do.”

You put down your supplies and curled up against the wall as you did every night.

“I’m tired, Castiel.”

He stiffened at the use of his full name, but he nodded. “Yes, rest. We will talk another time.”

You sighed, trying one last time.

 

“If there’s one thing I want, just one thing, would you give it to me?”

 

“I’ll do my best.”

Your King would never have answered that way. He was always sure he could get you what you needed. Or wanted. There was no trying.

“Make me an angel.”

He leaned his head against the wall, gazing at you.

“I can’t do that.”

You felt your eyes start to shimmer, without your permission. “Why not?!”

He stiffened once more at the dismay in your voice. “It doesn’t work like that.”

“Crowley said he could make me a demon.”

“That’s the difference between demons and angels. Anyone can become a demon.”

“But you can only be born an angel?” You tried not to whimper.

He tried to change tact. “Why do you want to be an angel?”

 

“Oh. I would just love to fly.”

 

He chuckled at this, making you relax a little.

“You’ve heard of an aero-plane, have you not?”

“I mean, really fly. Like a superhero.”

“It’s not all it is cracked up to be.”

 

“Innit though?” You curled up in the opposite direction, facing him. “Or maybe you’ve done it so many times it has lost all wonder.”

 

He raised his eyes for a long moment. “Actually, I haven’t.”

“Why not?!” You sat up, confused and startled.

“My wings are broken.”

You felt your heart fill with sadness as you reached towards him and traced the air over his shoulders.

“Can we fix them?”

He lifted his eyes to meet you once more. “I don’t know.”

 

 

“Let’s try.”

 

 

In a blink you were on the roof, holding his hand tightly.

“(y/n), how did you-“

“Swiped the spell off Crowley when he was here.”

Castiel felt a rush of affection despite all the anxiety that had settled into his stomach for so long.

“Now, on three.”

“What on three?”

You gave his hand a squeeze, before letting it go once more. “Maybe it’s best if it’s just me.”

“What are you talking about-“

“One…”

He stared at you perplexed, watching as you extended one leg behind the other.

“Two…”

“(Y/n)”-

“Three!” You sidestepped his arms as he reached out urgently to grab you.

 

And you opened your arms and stepped over the ledge.

 

 

When you blinked again, he was by your side with his hands glowing.

“You can fly, now, can’t you?”

“No. I teleported to the ground. You nearly smashed yourself to smithereens.” There was no change in inflection, but his tone was as dark as you’d ever heard. Almost made Crowley sound mild in comparison.

“Well, it’s progress anyway. Your powers are coming back, see? It just took a little jump-start.”

“That is the stupidest thing anyone in the history of life has ever done.” It was probably meant to hurt your feelings, but the adrenaline rushing through your veins made everything hazy.

“If I hadn’t made it down so fast, you’d be dead.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Cas. I feel fine.”

 

“Do you? Do you really?”

 

He was looking at you in the most indescribable way; but if you tried it would possibly be a mess of fury, misunderstanding, despair, regret, and relief.

 

 

And you’d been wrong so many times in your life, that you should have questioned everything including this.

Somehow, you knew.

This look? This is love.

 

 

“No, Cas. I feel everything.”

**Author's Note:**

> UGH;AKDJF;ALSJF;ALKSJD;AJDF;AKDSF;ASDJKFAKLDSFA;K
> 
> GIVE ME SOME LOVE BELOW I DESERVE IT
> 
> RANDOM RAMBLINGS:  
> POLL 1: WHICH PART BROKE YOU  
> i don't know if i can pick one... "like you kept me safe from crowley' is a pretty big one...  
> the whole thing kind of hurts though...
> 
> anyway lovely was a hunter who crowley then captured and tortured and kept for fun. insert hella-stockholm, like harley and the joker  
> eventually cas rescues you, but the damage has been done.
> 
> that's also why you act really childish/ambivalent about feelings/the past. you remember everything, but it's irrelevant. they assume that you've lost some memory since you don't talk about it much, and since you seem to not have any animosity towards them
> 
> when crowley finally finds you though, things get a little shaken up
> 
> fyi i use daddy in a non dom/sexual sense. just more ego-stroking for the good old leprechaun.  
> also i don't ever do sexual torture/that kind of stuff. not my cup of tea (to read either, i guess)
> 
> quick poll 2: favorite part?!  
> mine might be when dean yells at cas for letting you get captured, even though cas had to stay to save dean  
> basically cas couldn't be 2 places at once, so he chose dean per use (also not realizing exactly how much danger you'd be in)
> 
> although when you finally start to become normal (well, finally start to access your feelings like a normal person) at the end with cas at your side, thats pretty nice too.  
> bah this is so sad though
> 
> quick poll 3: what fucked with your mind the most?!
> 
> okay this was plenty dark and i'll probably write something a little less heavy soon... another chapter to catch me if you can maybe..
> 
> although i didn't go with the 'make me an angel=kill me' theme, so that's something eh? eh?? 
> 
> alright, go read something fluffy now to recover from this angsty shit ;) like my original fic fly- I KID I KID. maybe ' a sticky situation' that one seems pretty popular
> 
> till next time lovelies!!
> 
> XOXO Bucky the Angstmaster/Mindfucker


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